OPINION: Martin House Children's Hospice's care doesn't stop when a child dies

Our bereavement service supports families often for two or three years following their child’s death, and that support encompasses the whole family – parents, siblings and grandparents.

We also take referrals for families who haven’t used Martin House, whether because their child had a life-limiting condition but weren’t known to us, or in the case of a sudden death.

At any time we have between 100 and 120 families on our caseload who we are actively supporting, and there can be several people within each family using the service. In the last two years we’ve had between 80 and 90 referrals each year.

When we start working with families, we usually see them on a one-to-one basis first. They need time to explore their own feelings and reactions, and understand their own grief before they are ready to hear other people’s stories.

We invite couples to join our parents’ support group about six to 12 months into individual counselling, whereas we bring children into our sibling groups as soon as they are ready.

We find that if we’ve done our preparation and made our introduction to families just right, they feel safe and there’s very little silence. We might start by asking them to tell us about their story and their child, and it helps them to open up. At the end of the session we’ll ask how it felt to do this, and was it what they thought it would be.

Parents can meet us together as a couple, or individually, depending on their needs. We prefer couples to stay together for sessions if possible, as if they are talking to us, they are also talking to each other.

Our aim all the way through is trying to help them find their own ways of coping in their own communities and lives, and as we go on supporting them, we are there for trigger points like anniversaries and birthdays.